When you go into the wild, you do your best to steer clear of mountain lions and bears. But how do you prepare for legions of pint-sized creepers far more likely to put you in a world of hurt? Get ready for a trip into the darkest recesses of the animal kingdom, where what doesn’t kill you makes you wish that it had.
5. Candiru
What makes this little punk so special? Well, he has a particular place he likes to crawl up—your urethra. Did we mention he also likes to suck blood? Long considered an urban legend…until some dude rolled up at a hospital and needed one surgically removed from his penis.
4. Brazilian Wandering Spider
You’re looking at the freakiest eight-appendage creature this side of a Siamese twin. What’s so scary? The Guinness World Record for venomous-ness, to start. Not only does this guy have toxic juice, he can bite through your skin like a warm knife through butter on a warm summer night.
3. Bullet Ants
Did you know we can measure the pain of an insect bite or sting? It’s called the Schmidt Sting Pain Index. And the bullet ant—so named because his bite feels similar to getting shot—is the reigning world champ. But hey, relax, the shaking and paralysis wears off in a day or so.
2. Irukandji Jellyfish
Just five millimeters in diameter, its tendrils shoot venomous stingers. At first it feels like a mosquito bite. Then the real fun begins: pain so excruciating, victims beg doctors to kill them. Headache, backache, vomiting, sweating, nausea, rapid heartbeat and, yes, “an impending sense of doom.” One woman compared it to the worst pain of childbirth when it starts… and building from there. And she said that after a full shot of morphine.
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1. Japanese Giant Hornet
The Japanese Giant Hornet is one big tiny insect. So big, in fact, that when he finds a hive of bees kept for honey, he eats every last one. A bug that eats bees, people. And just wait until he stings you. The venom isn’t the deadliest, except when he injects a ton, which he’s prone to do. About 40 people die from such stings every year, making it the most lethal animal in Japan. Yeah, this hornet kills more Japanese people than bears, snakes or day-old sushi.
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