Penelope Cruz Heats Up the 2013 Campari Calendar



Penelope Cruz is the lady in fucking red. Holy shit. Turns out that I am still down with any alcohol company, even though they don’t advertise on this site because they are snobs and too busy spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on Penelope Cruz, the Oscar winning Spanish actress you may or may not have heard of, but you have probably seen her fucking nose at some point or another, because that’s her signature feature. She’s helped big-nosed women come to terms with their oversized schnozzles over the years, as the media brainwashed us to think she was beautiful.

I know this because I used to fuck a girl with a big fucking nose. I’m talking offensively big, and she was convinced she looked like Penelope Cruz, when really, she looked like a girl with a big fucking nose. But that didn’t stop her from getting with the likes of me…when she should have been with far less attractive men. But Penelope Cruz got her through it, like she is getting through me, with this red-hot glamour shoot for Campari.

I want to dirty up this high quality, high production loveliness with my genitals.


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