Recently I’ve been seeing a number of projects that seem like great ideas, but then when I hear who’s behind them, I go “ohhhh, never mind.” These are five of the men who can be that catalyst, they can turn a good movie bad or make a bad movie worse, yet somehow, they’re still finding work in Hollywood.
5. McG
Claims to Infamy: Charlie’s Angels 1 and 2, Terminator Salvation
Me putting McG on this list directly stems from my massive disappointment with “Terminator Salvation.” While most of these directors are given shitty videogames to turn into movies, McG had one of the greatest sci-fi franchises of all time handed to him, and he fucked it up.
He had all the pieces he needed to make a great film, but his idiocy turned a potentially amazing project into a lackluster failure. I think that it’s possible McG could be a good director someday, but someone needs to teach him storytelling. Right now he’s like the poor man’s Michael Bay.
4. Paul W. S. Anderson
Claims to Infamy: Alien vs. Predator, Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil series
The first “Resident Evil” movie stands as the best videogame-to-film adaptation to date, but that’s kind of like being the skinniest kid at fat camp. And the numerous sequels it spawned were completely mindless and plain unnecessary.
3. Brett Ratner
Claims to Infamy: Rush Hour 3, X-Men: The Last Stand, Tower Heist
I was a fan of the first two “Rush Hour” movies, and back then, I might have said advertising something as “A Brett Ratner film” was almost acceptable, if a bit douchey. However, today when I hear that term, I have to roll my eyes so hard they almost drop out of my head completely.
“Rush Hour 3” was perhaps the laziest bunch of filmmaking I have ever seen. And don’t even get me started on “X-Men 3.”
2. Uwe Boll
Claims to Infamy: House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne
The only director so bad, he actually has a petition that requests that he stops making movies. When it gets to a million, he says he’s out. We’re at 334K right now.
If there’s an awful videogame movie to be made, Boll is the guy to go to. He’s adapted good games into bad movies (House of the Dead) and bad games into worse movies (Bloodrayne). He’s also got straight- to-DVD sequels for almost all of them.
1. Jason Friedman and Aaron Seltzer
Claims to Infamy: Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans
When the original “Scary Movie” garnered big audience numbers and a decent critical reception, Friedman and Seltzer got it in their minds that if something works once, it works EVERY TIME. They built an entire genre around parodying other movies, but when they ran out of movies, they started tackling pop culture. K-Fed? Paris Hilton? Sure, why not?
The saddest part about this new awful parody genre is that the movies still put up relatively big numbers at the box office because, well, people are stupid, and often likes stupid things. And with the movies having a miniscule budget compare to most films, they’ll keep getting made until they stop being profitable, which means we have no reason to expect the “_____ Movie” phenomenon will ever end.
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