Exclusive: Rihanna Uncensored Topless Album Cover!!!

I think it is safe to say that this uncensored Rihanna album cover is a fake…mainly because the nipple is fucking wonky as shit, like it was drawn by a handicap kid with Photoshop. Even if she’s got her nipple pierced, and even if Chris Brown bit one of her nipples off in one of their heated fights, it would still look a helluva lot better than this. But it is a slow Saturday so I’m posting it. I figure it will give you idiots something to discuss while I have breakfast.

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Rihanna Naked Slut of the Year for GQ

The main thing I like about Rihanna is that she does these sleazy fashion shoots, where she’s sexed up and half-naked, and it feels pretty authentic. It feels as if she really likes being topless in pictures…like she wants people jerking off to her…like being at the fucking top is just one more reason for her to show more skin to more eyeballs…because that is what gets her off.

I mean, she doesn’t need to be doing this. She could already own the entire island of Barbados, that sorry excuse for a country that she’s from, and make herself their fucking queen, where all the locals worship her. She’s that fucking rich. But she just wants to get naked for the public, and I know this because when she’s not being featured in magazines, she’s shooting pics of her half-naked self for social media.

Maybe she was molested as a child. Maybe it’s her way to deal with the stresses of trying to stay on top of the music biz. Maybe I don’t care…and neither should she. She’s won at life and I like the way she’s giving back. Rihanna, we salute you…with our cocks.

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Candice Swanepoel Grabs Rihanna’s Ass at the Victoria’s Secret Show

Candice Swanepoel just posted this pic of her grabbing Rihanna’s ass at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Apparently, Rihanna is Candice’s “girl crush.” I am gonna assume it has something to do with Candice being South African and Rihanna’s ancestors being African slaves that make her feel this connection. Anyhow, I’m a pretty huge fan of this Candice. I’m not sure why…but I’ll start with her toes and work my way up.

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Rihanna’s Competitively Horny Instagram Pic

I guess watching all those models do their bikini and lingerie hustle during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show where she was the halftime performer got Rihanna horny enough to post this.

Or maybe it is one of those ego-tripping, typical “girls hating girls” shit where they want to be the center of attention. Bitch wants to be seen as sexy and as good as the actual lingerie models she was surrounded by, so she gets to posting this shit to be like “Hey everyone! Look at me! I’m over here, too!”

Seriously, the best way to fuck a girl you want to fuck is to fuck another girl and tell the girl you want to fuck all about it, because girls instinctively love to compete. So predictable and I love it.

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The Victoria’s Secret 2012 Fashion Show That I Wasn’t Invited To

The fact that I wasn’t invited to the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, after all the good I do for the brand and more importantly the brand’s models by following their every fucking move like some kind of creepy pervert who cares way too much about them, was a bit of a slap in the face…reminding me that blogging, at least this kind of blogging, even if I am two years deep into it, is still some amateur hour shit. I gotta go mainstream…

Here are some pics of the infomercial I missed the taping of, which is probably a good thing, because no one wants a chronic masturbating homeless-looking guy at the front row of any of their event. So I’ll just stick to the spray-on hair and food dehydrator infomercials that I have yet to jerk off to…because I never got that desperate.

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