Candice Swanepoel Grabs Rihanna’s Ass at the Victoria’s Secret Show

Candice Swanepoel just posted this pic of her grabbing Rihanna’s ass at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Apparently, Rihanna is Candice’s “girl crush.” I am gonna assume it has something to do with Candice being South African and Rihanna’s ancestors being African slaves that make her feel this connection. Anyhow, I’m a pretty huge fan of this Candice. I’m not sure why…but I’ll start with her toes and work my way up.

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The Victoria’s Secret 2012 Fashion Show That I Wasn’t Invited To

The fact that I wasn’t invited to the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, after all the good I do for the brand and more importantly the brand’s models by following their every fucking move like some kind of creepy pervert who cares way too much about them, was a bit of a slap in the face…reminding me that blogging, at least this kind of blogging, even if I am two years deep into it, is still some amateur hour shit. I gotta go mainstream…

Here are some pics of the infomercial I missed the taping of, which is probably a good thing, because no one wants a chronic masturbating homeless-looking guy at the front row of any of their event. So I’ll just stick to the spray-on hair and food dehydrator infomercials that I have yet to jerk off to…because I never got that desperate.

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Candice Swanepoel for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

Candice Swanepoel could be covered in feces at her South African farm and I’d still want to lick her clean. So despite seeing her boring-as-fuck, half-naked photos for Victoria’s Secret, a half- naked Candice Swanepoel is still a good thing.

I can’t say I’m into this, or that I have a raging boner like I do when girls tell me they want to lick my ass while sucking my dick as another girl sits on my face...but I can say that I won’t cheapen my love for Candice like that. I’ll deal with my soft penis and focus on the romantic love I have for her pictures instead…

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Candice Swanepoel ASS-TASTIC for Victoria’s Secret

Anyone who says Candice Swanepoel has a shitty face is clearly not looking at what is important: HER ASS.

Maybe I am biased since she’s my girlfriend who doesn’t know it yet, but I think she’s perfect, even in these boring fucking pics from Victoria’s Secret.

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Candice Swanepoel is Drop Dead Gorgeous in Sexy Swimwear Video

Candice Swanepoel is a bikini model…who I want to have a destination wedding with, even if she’s not into that kind of thing, probably because she travels so much in her work so she just wants to spend her free time quietly at home. I wake up in her arms or her in my arms, although I am probably the more needy one. We gaze into each other’s eyes and sing each other love songs every morning for the rest of our lives. This love is eternal! This is love until the end of time! Why must she cheat on me by getting naked for all of you? I’ll have a stern talk with her about this…just as soon as she acknowledges I exist.

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